We love to fly... and it shows.

The airlines, god bless them, are a muse of sorts for me. Whenever I have the pleasure of spending a day traveling, my creative juices start to flow and I seem to be bombarded with a never-ending flow of ruminations. They come to me, one after the next, in a wave of sarcasm. It always seems to me like the uneducated, borderline retarded, inept of America are working at the airport, and I have a sneaking suspicion the joke is on me. I can't even count how many times the words 'you've got to be kidding me' run through my head on any given day I've spent amongst the terminals and concourses and on the airplanes, foreign and domestic, of this world.

When I ask my flight attendant for a tomato juice AND a water and she rolls her eyes like I've asked her to bone a chicken for me I have an extremely hard time not firing back "Are you serious? You have the easiest job on the planet. You're a glorified cocktail waitress. You push a cart up and down an aisle. The kid who bags my groceries at Ralph's could do this job, and he has down syndrome. Oh, what's that? You also have the daunting task of assisting in an emergency? Well I'm sure you've spent extensive training hours learning how to handle countless emergency situations we might encounter while flying in these friendly skies but if this plane starts to go down, my money is on that you're the first one to lose it. And quite frankly, once we pummel into the ground nose first at 300mph I hardly think you're going to need to recall any of that training anyhow... so be a dear, put that smile back on your face, earn your 40K and get me a god damn water and a tomato juice."

"United Airlines would like to extend a warm welcome to our first class and preferred passengers..." No mention of us commoners back in Coach. Ummm, what is this 1912? Am I in steerage back here with the cattle and the chickens? Way to propagate class infrastructures and further promote inequality between socioeconomic backgrounds. Of course I'm just complaining because I can't afford first class. I really just want a warm towelette.

Impossibility aside, I will never give up trying to find wi-fi while I'm on the plane.

Smoking lounges are an embarrassment to smokers. Put us all in a glass box so everyone else walking by can judge us on our poor choices and weak wills. I might smoke, but that doesn't mean I want to be stuck in a room with the white trash of America watching them puff their lives out on Winston 100s. I'll take my chances on missing my connection and go all the way back through security just to go outside and avoid those hot boxes any day.

Why is there such a mark up on food inside the airport? I paid $6.78 for a Frappucino on my layover in Chicago. That's more than I pay for a Chipotle chicken burrito the size of a baby. It's a crime to charge that much for coffee and ice. Especially when I had to walk a mile to gate B91 to obtain it.

I'd like to apologize to any flight attendants who were offended by this post. I'm sure you work very hard... on something.

Obsolete

Cha cha changes. The only constant in the world is change, even when sometimes what we have works just fine. Here is a list of things that are becoming a way of the past and will someday inspire us to look back and say "I remember when..."

1. Writing letters (unless you're incarcerated)

2. Video stores

3. Parking meters that accept coins

4. Picking someone up inside the airport

5. Privacy

6. Lickable stamps

7. Phone books

8. Landlines (but your mom will always have one)

9. Phone sex

10. Real blind dates

11. Getting lost

12. Pencils (what happened to erasable pens?)

13. A cup of coffee that costs less than $2

14. Stylus' (thank god cause I could never hold on to that thing)

15. Film

16. Stereos

17. Dying from AIDS

18. Remembering someone's phone number

19. Pay phones

20. Free meals on airplanes

Megan's Favorite Things

So over the course of my adult life I could probably count on two hands the amount of Oprah show's I have watched. This year, however, I did happen to catch her annual Oprah's Favorite Thing's episode and let me just be the first person to say that Oprah is one crazy-generous black lady. The premise of the show is basically this: Oprah gives everyone in the audience a bunch of free shit that is really awesome. This got me thinking.. I love stuff and I love lists, so why not create my own Favorite Things list.

Megan's Favorite Things:

1. Apple iPhone 4 - I don't care how many calls it drops, it's just too damn pretty.
http://www.apple.com/iphone/

2. McDonalds Double Cheeseburger - Boasting two patties and two pieces of cheese, this is the best way I've ever spent a buck.
http://www.mcdonalds.com/us/en/food/full_menu/sandwiches/double_cheeseburger.html

3. Girl Talk - All Day - Mashup master DJ Gregg Gillis's fifth album appears almost out of nowhere, and I don't even have to give this away 'cause he made it available for free!
http://illegal-art.net/allday/

4. Chinchillas - These little guys are indigenous to the Andes Mountains and are adorable. I've always wanted one for a pet, or a coat.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinchilla

5. Ray Ban Clubmaster Shades - These can make pretty much anyone look cool. And they come in a variety of color combos.
http://www.ray-ban.com/international/products/sun/RB2156

6. Hipstamatic iPhone Camera App - There are a ton of camera apps floating around out there for the iPhone, but this one stands out. Converting your phone into an old Analog Camera, Hipstamatic offers many different film, lens and flash combinations to give your photos cool vinatge feels.
http://hipstamaticapp.com/

7. Sidereel.com - While this site may be hard to navigate at times, if you're persistant you can almost always find a working link for just about any show. Pretty much amazing.

http://www.sidereel.com/

8. Neon Plasteramic Watch by TOY - Take that, goofy bands!

http://toywatchusa.com/Neon-Plasteramic-Watch-Collection-Atomic-Orange/M/B001NX8XWA.htm

9. Rays Own Brand Beef Jerky - If you know me, you know I consider myself a beef jerky aficionado. This is the real deal. Its meaty, its flavorful, its hard to chew. Delish. Stuff it in a friends stocking this Christmas. I know I'd appreciate it.

http://www.raysownbrand.com/

10. Falling Whistles Original Necklace - Proceeds go to Falling Whistles, a campaign for peace in Congo. Not only is the cause extremely noble, the necklace is really freaking sweet. Bonus: the campaign video alone is worth stopping by the website.

http://www.fallingwhistles.com/

There you have it. Oprah may have had way more swag to offer up, but at least this stuff is affordable to the every man. Hope you enjoyed. Feliz Navidad.