Once again, I find myself having trouble falling asleep. This worked last time, mostly because I bore myself. However, you all seem to enjoy it. And the ones who haven't commented on them or emailed me about them, thank you for confirming my biggest insecutiy and you suck.

A few mildly entertaining thoughts/happenings for tonight-

Conversation between a guy on the bus playing the guitar and I:
ME: "So I see you're teaching yourself how to play guitar I assume(he had a Dummies Guide to the Guitar)"
GUY: "You're 18 right?"
ME: "Yeah, I'm 26, why?"
GUY: "Ummmm, it's complicated.. (extends hand) Hi, I'm Kevin"
ME: (immediately puts on headphones and stares straight ahead for the rest of the ride)

Dad, you really want you're daughter to be in the dangerous throws of sexual predators??? Time to get me driving again.

Life Lesson #156,007: Never leave your facebook account accidedntly signed in at an Apple Retail Store. Also included in this lesson: people are still immature.

Note to self: You don't have to save EVERY business card anyone has ever given you in your wallet like a horder. Time to let it go. I don't think you'll be needing to call 'M$NEY' the Cab Driver again.

GO COLTS. or GO SAINTS. You can see I really am undecided.

I was caught lying by my sister in law the other day when she asked me if I've yet to read the book she lent me back in October. I said "Of course, it was amazing!!! To which she promtly replied "I don't believe you, give me a breif synopsis." Shit.

My closest Starbucks was closed over the weekend for a remodeling. What are they really going to update? Here's what its going to look like. Green and Tan. A few tables, a few chairs and some coffee mugs. Am I close?

For those of you who are part of the Gabriel side of the family, you will appreciate this. I have been spending a good deal of time with a young man named Drake for the past couple of weeks (who is also in the Program) and he came over today to watch the Vikings/Saints game. I was boring him with family pictures when it came to me. The United States Puzzle!!! For those of you who don't know about it, its a puzzle of the Continental US with each state being a puzzle peice. It sounds easy, but the east coast is a mess. Too bad they aren't all Colorado. My cousins and brother and I used to time ourselves at my grandmothers house, racing the clock hoping to get the best time. When she passed away I requested to have the puzzle because I attribute my genious knowledge of the geography of our country to this game. I demonstrated with an amazing time of 4 minutes. Then I made Drake do it. Rebecca, don't feel bad, he barely made it in under 15 minutes. And I believe he hated it as much as you do... Its not your fault you didn't have one growing up too.




Short and sweet tonight, but here's the thing: those Advil PMs I caved on are kicking in. Goodnight.

Can't Sleep....

So usually when I can't sleep I just lie there repeating prayers from my childhood in my head, because that's what my mom and I used to do when I was little before bed. Now I must admit, praying is usually my last resort. First I try smoking (a stimulant, really genious), watching TV (which Im finding myself being less and less interested in lately) or popping some Tylenol PM (which leaves me groggy in the morning.. like a sleeping pill hangover).... So tonight I thought I would share a prayer, one that I have decided is my favorite, with all of you (with the hope that my eyes would get tired typing this)... Some may have heard it, some maybe not. It's called the St. Francis prayer and its in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions AA book.

"Lord, make me a channel of thy peace-that where there is hatred, I may bring love-that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness-that where there is discord, I may bring harmony-that where there is error, I may bring truth-that where there is doubt, I may bring faith-that where there is despair, I may bring hope-that where there are shadows, I may bring light-that where there is sadness, I may bring joy. Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort that to be comforted-to understand, that to be understood-to love, than to be loved. For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by giving that one is forgiven. It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life. Amen.

Now here's the thing, I realize it is highly out of character for me to write about something so serious and a concept I've never been very comfortable with... but this prayer speaks to me because I've been trying to live my life this way for the past couple months because I never realized how truely selfish I actually was being.

And I promise something funny next time around. Good night all. Hopefully I will sleep now.

C'est la vie

My blogs are usually pretty funny (in my professional opinion, anyways), but today might be a tad more on the serious side. As some of you may already know, I have relapsed a few times recently. I am not the best at showing emotion, shame or gratitude being the two most often that give me trouble. I have spent most of my life feeling like I am entitled and I'm not quite sure how coming from parents who had very strict upbringings, I ended up such a brat. What I am very good at is covering my emotions, embarassment, shame, ect.. behind my amazing sacrasm and wit. I realize this often comes off insensative to the issue, but it's my defense mechanism and it feels safe. But here's the thing...... I dont want to continute to be this way and Im trying every day to change my actions and do the right things. Obviously relapsing isnt the 'right thing' and what disappoints me most is disappointing my family and friends even if I don't know what enough. Losing trust has got to be one of the worst feelings as an adult and I don't want anyone thinking I dont take the seriously and/or if I make jokes about my situation that I actually think its funny. Although in AA, they tell us to laugh about our pasts, but only once it truely is the past. While I continue to struggle with this disease, I hope and pray daily that I will regain my life and stability and that you will all continute to pray for me, as I do daily.

Something funny next time, I promise.