We love to fly... and it shows.

The airlines, god bless them, are a muse of sorts for me. Whenever I have the pleasure of spending a day traveling, my creative juices start to flow and I seem to be bombarded with a never-ending flow of ruminations. They come to me, one after the next, in a wave of sarcasm. It always seems to me like the uneducated, borderline retarded, inept of America are working at the airport, and I have a sneaking suspicion the joke is on me. I can't even count how many times the words 'you've got to be kidding me' run through my head on any given day I've spent amongst the terminals and concourses and on the airplanes, foreign and domestic, of this world.

When I ask my flight attendant for a tomato juice AND a water and she rolls her eyes like I've asked her to bone a chicken for me I have an extremely hard time not firing back "Are you serious? You have the easiest job on the planet. You're a glorified cocktail waitress. You push a cart up and down an aisle. The kid who bags my groceries at Ralph's could do this job, and he has down syndrome. Oh, what's that? You also have the daunting task of assisting in an emergency? Well I'm sure you've spent extensive training hours learning how to handle countless emergency situations we might encounter while flying in these friendly skies but if this plane starts to go down, my money is on that you're the first one to lose it. And quite frankly, once we pummel into the ground nose first at 300mph I hardly think you're going to need to recall any of that training anyhow... so be a dear, put that smile back on your face, earn your 40K and get me a god damn water and a tomato juice."

"United Airlines would like to extend a warm welcome to our first class and preferred passengers..." No mention of us commoners back in Coach. Ummm, what is this 1912? Am I in steerage back here with the cattle and the chickens? Way to propagate class infrastructures and further promote inequality between socioeconomic backgrounds. Of course I'm just complaining because I can't afford first class. I really just want a warm towelette.

Impossibility aside, I will never give up trying to find wi-fi while I'm on the plane.

Smoking lounges are an embarrassment to smokers. Put us all in a glass box so everyone else walking by can judge us on our poor choices and weak wills. I might smoke, but that doesn't mean I want to be stuck in a room with the white trash of America watching them puff their lives out on Winston 100s. I'll take my chances on missing my connection and go all the way back through security just to go outside and avoid those hot boxes any day.

Why is there such a mark up on food inside the airport? I paid $6.78 for a Frappucino on my layover in Chicago. That's more than I pay for a Chipotle chicken burrito the size of a baby. It's a crime to charge that much for coffee and ice. Especially when I had to walk a mile to gate B91 to obtain it.

I'd like to apologize to any flight attendants who were offended by this post. I'm sure you work very hard... on something.

Obsolete

Cha cha changes. The only constant in the world is change, even when sometimes what we have works just fine. Here is a list of things that are becoming a way of the past and will someday inspire us to look back and say "I remember when..."

1. Writing letters (unless you're incarcerated)

2. Video stores

3. Parking meters that accept coins

4. Picking someone up inside the airport

5. Privacy

6. Lickable stamps

7. Phone books

8. Landlines (but your mom will always have one)

9. Phone sex

10. Real blind dates

11. Getting lost

12. Pencils (what happened to erasable pens?)

13. A cup of coffee that costs less than $2

14. Stylus' (thank god cause I could never hold on to that thing)

15. Film

16. Stereos

17. Dying from AIDS

18. Remembering someone's phone number

19. Pay phones

20. Free meals on airplanes

Megan's Favorite Things

So over the course of my adult life I could probably count on two hands the amount of Oprah show's I have watched. This year, however, I did happen to catch her annual Oprah's Favorite Thing's episode and let me just be the first person to say that Oprah is one crazy-generous black lady. The premise of the show is basically this: Oprah gives everyone in the audience a bunch of free shit that is really awesome. This got me thinking.. I love stuff and I love lists, so why not create my own Favorite Things list.

Megan's Favorite Things:

1. Apple iPhone 4 - I don't care how many calls it drops, it's just too damn pretty.
http://www.apple.com/iphone/

2. McDonalds Double Cheeseburger - Boasting two patties and two pieces of cheese, this is the best way I've ever spent a buck.
http://www.mcdonalds.com/us/en/food/full_menu/sandwiches/double_cheeseburger.html

3. Girl Talk - All Day - Mashup master DJ Gregg Gillis's fifth album appears almost out of nowhere, and I don't even have to give this away 'cause he made it available for free!
http://illegal-art.net/allday/

4. Chinchillas - These little guys are indigenous to the Andes Mountains and are adorable. I've always wanted one for a pet, or a coat.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinchilla

5. Ray Ban Clubmaster Shades - These can make pretty much anyone look cool. And they come in a variety of color combos.
http://www.ray-ban.com/international/products/sun/RB2156

6. Hipstamatic iPhone Camera App - There are a ton of camera apps floating around out there for the iPhone, but this one stands out. Converting your phone into an old Analog Camera, Hipstamatic offers many different film, lens and flash combinations to give your photos cool vinatge feels.
http://hipstamaticapp.com/

7. Sidereel.com - While this site may be hard to navigate at times, if you're persistant you can almost always find a working link for just about any show. Pretty much amazing.

http://www.sidereel.com/

8. Neon Plasteramic Watch by TOY - Take that, goofy bands!

http://toywatchusa.com/Neon-Plasteramic-Watch-Collection-Atomic-Orange/M/B001NX8XWA.htm

9. Rays Own Brand Beef Jerky - If you know me, you know I consider myself a beef jerky aficionado. This is the real deal. Its meaty, its flavorful, its hard to chew. Delish. Stuff it in a friends stocking this Christmas. I know I'd appreciate it.

http://www.raysownbrand.com/

10. Falling Whistles Original Necklace - Proceeds go to Falling Whistles, a campaign for peace in Congo. Not only is the cause extremely noble, the necklace is really freaking sweet. Bonus: the campaign video alone is worth stopping by the website.

http://www.fallingwhistles.com/

There you have it. Oprah may have had way more swag to offer up, but at least this stuff is affordable to the every man. Hope you enjoyed. Feliz Navidad.

Up again at 3am with a cough (something I feel runs in the Gabriel side of the family) that will not subside. I gargled with salt water, I drank tea with lemon and honey............ and to no avail. So I'm left again with this blog. I am getting the feeling that I should change the name from 'Here's the thing...." to "So I can't sleep again...."

I wrote a short blog the other night that I noticed not one person commented on. I feel that this must have been done in error. At the very least I usually expect a comment from Uncle Harold. But nothing. I am a bit confused, since I'm his favorite niece. Must be a mass-user error.

A few things I've been ruminating on lately....

Saran Wrap. Is there anything in the entire world more frustrating and less user friendly?

The fact that I steal my wireless internet from my neighbors doesn't make me any less angry when it's not working.

Guys should not cross their legs. Unless your Charlie Sheen. And even then its still creepy. Sorry Dad.

I was checking out at 7-11 today and the cashier was on his cell phone and gave me the '1 second' finger motion...touche, cashier guy, touche.

I smirk on the inside every time one of my girlfriends uses the old 'well maybe he just didn't get my text' excuse for not hearing back from a guy. Riiiight. In their defense, texts do get lost in the cellular abyss maybe 1 out of every 10,000 texts you send. But sadly my dear, this isn't that time. And you know it.

Before I put the straw in my Capri Sun, I always say a silent prayer that I don't stab it through the other side.

Rubberneckers: we all talk crap on them. But when its your turn to pass the accident, you know damn well you're slowing down to look, too.

There is nothing worse than the impending doom that sets in when you realize you're losing hot water rapidly and you're only half way through your shower.

Here is my laundry policy: whatever is on the floor is getting washed. Unfortunately, throwing everything clean on the floor is also my policy. So I think I'm washing everything a lot more than necessary.

How come when we're talking on our cell phones and one of the cell phones cuts out we still call the other person back and ask all confused "What happened?" like its some huge mystery.

Hey Raisins, you do not belong in my cookies, muffins, cakes or any other baked goods. Stick to Raisin Bran and quit screwing things up.

Guys: If we end up staying the night, we're wearing one of your t-shirts home in the morning. And we have no plans of returning it.

There is nothing worse than the motorcycle psych-out when trying to find a parking spot.

I hate parents that take their unruly kids out to eat. If your obnoxious kid is running loose around the restaurant you shouldn't have taken him to in the first place and bumps into me, next time he does a lap I will purposely and shamelessly trip him. Stop being cheap and get a babysitter.

These are just my thoughts on a few things. Things that come to mind during daily life that probably really annoy me. And the only way I see fit to deal with them is to turn to humor, my numero uno go-to. And here's the thing, it usually works.

So let's just go for a week in review.

Most noteworthy, the Saints domination of the superbowl. I bet on the saints with a 3.5 point spread but they had to go and show off. Good for New Oleans. Good for our country. Go Obama.

In other news I left my fifth treatment program in the last year this week. Something I'm completely and utterly disappointed in myself by. I ask myself if I'll ever be normal or better.

I'm scared, i'm frustrated, i'm let down, I'm hopeless. Again.

But i'm ok.

Once again, I find myself having trouble falling asleep. This worked last time, mostly because I bore myself. However, you all seem to enjoy it. And the ones who haven't commented on them or emailed me about them, thank you for confirming my biggest insecutiy and you suck.

A few mildly entertaining thoughts/happenings for tonight-

Conversation between a guy on the bus playing the guitar and I:
ME: "So I see you're teaching yourself how to play guitar I assume(he had a Dummies Guide to the Guitar)"
GUY: "You're 18 right?"
ME: "Yeah, I'm 26, why?"
GUY: "Ummmm, it's complicated.. (extends hand) Hi, I'm Kevin"
ME: (immediately puts on headphones and stares straight ahead for the rest of the ride)

Dad, you really want you're daughter to be in the dangerous throws of sexual predators??? Time to get me driving again.

Life Lesson #156,007: Never leave your facebook account accidedntly signed in at an Apple Retail Store. Also included in this lesson: people are still immature.

Note to self: You don't have to save EVERY business card anyone has ever given you in your wallet like a horder. Time to let it go. I don't think you'll be needing to call 'M$NEY' the Cab Driver again.

GO COLTS. or GO SAINTS. You can see I really am undecided.

I was caught lying by my sister in law the other day when she asked me if I've yet to read the book she lent me back in October. I said "Of course, it was amazing!!! To which she promtly replied "I don't believe you, give me a breif synopsis." Shit.

My closest Starbucks was closed over the weekend for a remodeling. What are they really going to update? Here's what its going to look like. Green and Tan. A few tables, a few chairs and some coffee mugs. Am I close?

For those of you who are part of the Gabriel side of the family, you will appreciate this. I have been spending a good deal of time with a young man named Drake for the past couple of weeks (who is also in the Program) and he came over today to watch the Vikings/Saints game. I was boring him with family pictures when it came to me. The United States Puzzle!!! For those of you who don't know about it, its a puzzle of the Continental US with each state being a puzzle peice. It sounds easy, but the east coast is a mess. Too bad they aren't all Colorado. My cousins and brother and I used to time ourselves at my grandmothers house, racing the clock hoping to get the best time. When she passed away I requested to have the puzzle because I attribute my genious knowledge of the geography of our country to this game. I demonstrated with an amazing time of 4 minutes. Then I made Drake do it. Rebecca, don't feel bad, he barely made it in under 15 minutes. And I believe he hated it as much as you do... Its not your fault you didn't have one growing up too.




Short and sweet tonight, but here's the thing: those Advil PMs I caved on are kicking in. Goodnight.

Can't Sleep....

So usually when I can't sleep I just lie there repeating prayers from my childhood in my head, because that's what my mom and I used to do when I was little before bed. Now I must admit, praying is usually my last resort. First I try smoking (a stimulant, really genious), watching TV (which Im finding myself being less and less interested in lately) or popping some Tylenol PM (which leaves me groggy in the morning.. like a sleeping pill hangover).... So tonight I thought I would share a prayer, one that I have decided is my favorite, with all of you (with the hope that my eyes would get tired typing this)... Some may have heard it, some maybe not. It's called the St. Francis prayer and its in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions AA book.

"Lord, make me a channel of thy peace-that where there is hatred, I may bring love-that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness-that where there is discord, I may bring harmony-that where there is error, I may bring truth-that where there is doubt, I may bring faith-that where there is despair, I may bring hope-that where there are shadows, I may bring light-that where there is sadness, I may bring joy. Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort that to be comforted-to understand, that to be understood-to love, than to be loved. For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by giving that one is forgiven. It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life. Amen.

Now here's the thing, I realize it is highly out of character for me to write about something so serious and a concept I've never been very comfortable with... but this prayer speaks to me because I've been trying to live my life this way for the past couple months because I never realized how truely selfish I actually was being.

And I promise something funny next time around. Good night all. Hopefully I will sleep now.

C'est la vie

My blogs are usually pretty funny (in my professional opinion, anyways), but today might be a tad more on the serious side. As some of you may already know, I have relapsed a few times recently. I am not the best at showing emotion, shame or gratitude being the two most often that give me trouble. I have spent most of my life feeling like I am entitled and I'm not quite sure how coming from parents who had very strict upbringings, I ended up such a brat. What I am very good at is covering my emotions, embarassment, shame, ect.. behind my amazing sacrasm and wit. I realize this often comes off insensative to the issue, but it's my defense mechanism and it feels safe. But here's the thing...... I dont want to continute to be this way and Im trying every day to change my actions and do the right things. Obviously relapsing isnt the 'right thing' and what disappoints me most is disappointing my family and friends even if I don't know what enough. Losing trust has got to be one of the worst feelings as an adult and I don't want anyone thinking I dont take the seriously and/or if I make jokes about my situation that I actually think its funny. Although in AA, they tell us to laugh about our pasts, but only once it truely is the past. While I continue to struggle with this disease, I hope and pray daily that I will regain my life and stability and that you will all continute to pray for me, as I do daily.

Something funny next time, I promise.